The Lizard King: My Optus day off

While the collective sigh of roughly one out of 10 Aussies could be heard on Wednesday morning as they desperately tried hot-spotting from any non-Optus service, the Lizard King instead saw it as an invitation to take the day off and hit the track!

The boss was a little confused. “I thought you were with Telstra”, he mumbled. Yes, that would be correct – I didn’t say as I threw my McMuffin wrapper in the bin with one foot out the door.

Who knows or cares what phones people use outside of a few weirdos who get upset when receiving different coloured text messages from non-Apple users? I thought, getting into an Uber order from my Telstra smartphone.

“The whole Optus debacle has given some more legitimacy to the dodgy small businesses, drug dealers, and general sceptics that oppose a cashless society – this reptile falling into the last category!”

May I seem needlessly paranoid? There are way too many things connected to the internet, and if I must align myself with people who believe birds are government-controlled robots, then so be it.

But I bet Qantas was happy for another big name to take some of the heat off, and Optus has some actual competitors that could feasibly take their business!

That reminds me of those cowboys Crazy Johns – How I miss those zany mobile hustlers! I wouldn’t say I liked the idea at the time, but having Subi Oval, the former home of Perth footy, named after Crazy John himself is an entertaining idea in hindsight, but I guess his prices were insane.

A few rare earth explorers have asked for premium pricing for the purportedly noble purpose of “breaking China’s grip” on production. Ha! Get in line, people! China has more than a few minerals under its belt, and we all want to be part of an OPEC-style cartel.

Sam Bankman-Fried looks like he’s gonna be away for a while, and I’m sure more than a few of us have wondered whether life in prison would be worth it for a brief billionaire status and a few drunken love fests in the Bahamas. Well, maybe not with people looking like the FTX crew, but you get my drift.

Honestly, during the Hollywood actors’ strike, I didn’t have too much sympathy for them. I mean, who really cares about delays to some new Willy Wonka movie or that post-Gene Wilder Wonka franchise? It’s already scraping the bottom of the barrel if you ask me. Plus, AI is already pitching ideas, so it’s not like we need to worry too much about it taking jobs.

I miss the good old days of the 1970s when actors could actually look like real people and directors could get wild with their creative ideas before the big studios took over. But hey, I guess all good things must come to an end, right?

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